NOV 2: Designing an Owner’s Manual for healthy black relationships

Another remarkable, laughter-filled, seriously engaging conversation and delightful crowd. There were 5 men and 5 women defying any of the talk about there not being enough men. We didn’t start on time (black folks!) but we were right on time with the expected results. Folks got present to what using the design of an OWNER’S MANUAL can provide for oneself and for the people in your life you intend to be intimate with at work, at home and in your romantic encounters.

closeness: a feeling of being intimate and belonging together; “their closeness grew as the night wore on”

Intimacy has more to do with shared moments than sexual interactions.

In concert hall acoustics, a venue is said to have “acoustical intimacy” if music played in it gives the impression of being played in a small hall.

These events are really an antidote to wasting $35-40 at speed dating where you get some names and numbers, some primping and prowling, and maybe a drink in some impersonal public venue. Success with the Opposite Sex: Get Related not Dated(TM) is a fun and engaging way to foster healthy relationships between men and women in our black communities.

AT NOVEMBER’S EVENT: We talked about your owner’s manual being a tool to inform yourself and others what’s need for you to operate at optimum performance and what trouble-shooting should be done if you have a “flat tire” (A man needs 30 mins when he comes home from work) or need a “tune-up”. What makes your engine run well? (Must have a massage once a month; Must exercise and go to church regularly). All this would be written in your owner’s manual and like your car’s manual, you may never take it out of the glove compartment but it can be useful in ANY kind of relationship (not just romantic) when unfamiliar drivers need to learn how to really enjoy your ride. Fri Nov 2, we created the preface of your manual so to speak. What is your motto, tagline or core value.

What is your motto, tagline or core value?
Your owner’s manual is for the people who come into your intimate life (male or female). Please bring some ideas about your motto/tagline/core value. Here are descriptions of each:

A motto (from Italian) is a phrase or a short list of words meant formally to describe the general motivation or intention of an entity, social group, or organization.

A tagline is a variant of a branding slogan typically used in marketing materials and advertising. The idea behind the concept is to create a memorable phrase that will sum up the tone and premise of a brand or product (like a film), or to reinforce the audience’s memory of a product. Some taglines are successful enough to warrant inclusion in popular culture, often becoming snowclones.

Examples of famous movie/television taglines are:
• Love Story ? Love means never having to say you’re sorry.
• Star Trek ? To boldly go where no man has gone before.
• The X-Files ? The truth is out there.
• Jaws 2 – Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…

“Your core values are the guiding principles that help you make decisions on a daily basis and define what you stand for as a person and a business. You can spend a lot of time haggling over what they are, but what really matters is that you have them and that you allow them to guide you.

Walt Disney’s core values, for example, are imagination and wholesomeness” but it is not “customer service”. That’s Nordstrom’s core value. Sony’s core values are: “The elevation of the Japanese culture and national status; being a pioneer–not following others–doing the impossible; encouraging individual ability and creativity” (

Join us next month on December 7th in Brooklyn for pt. 2 of Designing your own Owner’s Manual. For an invitation, check out or join

Create your own nation, Design your own owner’s manual

I sent a thank you to all the new members on our Success with the Opposite Sex group and posted the following message to them. It’s perfect for our blog too and posted below. Before that, I want to share some thoughts from a newcomer who attended last month’s event.

I wanted to tell you how moved, touched and changed I felt after the last gathering. As I shared with everyone that night; for the last four years I have only held real deep communication with the men in my family, colleagues at work and my therapist–and not to minimize him, but also my gay best friend. Wow, man have I been missing out–what a great non threatening way to get back into practice without any pressure.

Thank you for creating such a simple, profound way for men and women to connect beyond the superficial. See you on the 2nd.

Our next event is on November 2nd
You’ll need a notebook or bring your own journal/diary
You may also want to bring your favorite pen or writing utensil


For those who don’t know I am a professor of music and anthropology. Today I taught about political systems in my cultural anthro intro. I am having my students play a game called CREATE YOUR OWN NATION based on a website I found. An author found a creative way to advertise her political novel that is being marketed by a simluation game called NATION STATES.
NationStates is a free nation simulation game. Build a nation and run it according to your own warped political ideals. Create a Utopian paradise for society’s less fortunate or a totalitarian corporate police state. Care for your people or deliberately oppress them. Join the United Nations or remain a rogue state. It’s really up to you.

This got me thinking. If you could create a NEW owner’s manual for yourself, like create it from scratch, how would your life run? How would your relationships operate? What would you be creating in your relationships?

In the nationstates simulation game (which is free if you’re interested), you create your own nation, your nation’s motto, flag, style of government, etc. We might do some collaging of the motto and flag, or said from an entrepreneurial perspective, we might collage your brand name and logo, to get started on your owner’s manual at November’s event.

Your owner’s manual in this day an age might be a podcast, a video, or a visual display. Doesn’t have to be literate communication, you know.

Something to think about and entice you to come on Nov 2 ladies and gentlemen!
Come out and stake your flag for the world to see what impossible dreams you are out to fulfill in relationship!

Best, Kyra