COMMITMENT: Where Are You Stuck…Waiting?

January 2008!
Our next theme is COMMITMENT: Where Are You Stuck?

For two months, I’ve been developing a series on how to DESIGN YOUR OWN OWNER’S MANUAL for relationships. Out of a breakdown and a breakthough, I discovered the foundation for that conversation: Exploring where you have been stuck around your commitment to be in a relationship.

For me it has been in being lonely, giving up/resigned, disliking my body image, and the clich being single. Would you be willing to face where you are stuck openly in conversation with others? Take courage, but I promise you a breakthrough like no other.

Why pay $35 for this Brooklyn event?
Most people pay $35-40 for a night of speed dating.
You get some nice chit-chat, maybe a number and a call. Even fewer get a date. But most get a night out at best. This is worth your time and money and you’ll want to come again and again to be with people of the opposite sex in a new way.

Light snack, wine and a great sense of intimacy like you don’t experience with people you’ve known all your life. Join us! Click the red MEETUP button to the left for more info.

NYT : 2008 Speed Dating Study Finds SBF only seeks BM (4/13/07)

Many black women I know complain about their resentment when they see black men with white women. In the Oprah clip above, Oprah suggests that black men are not available “the numbers just don’t pan out”. Actually a Speed Dating research study published in 2008 (Review of Economic Studies 75, 117–132) showed a strong preference among black women for same-sex romance. By contrast, men of all races do not hold the same view and are open to interracial dating. So perhaps it is not about black men but rather about what black women prefer and are waiting for. Maybe we should explore more.

The study included Columbia graduate students of white, black, Asian and Hispanic descent. It considered state and country of origin as well.
Here are some key findings:

– “black women strongly prefer men of their own race, while black men do not exhibit a significant preference for black women over others” (caution: based on a small sample).

– “same-race preferences are negatively correlated with education” (in other words, the more educated you are, the more open to interracial dating)

– “Men are generally willing to date someone of another race, but women are more reluctant, especially African-American women.”

– “Older subjects and more physically attractive subjects exhibit weaker same-race preferences.”

– “Attractiveness may play an important role in the determination of racial preferences, especially those against Asian men…. Female Asian partners are consistently rated as less attractive, though we also find that black females receive significantly lower ratings relative to whites.”

One may be left with all kinds of reactions and thoughts about these findings. Here are some questions:

What factors contribute to black women being rated as less attractive consistently?
What cultural and historical factors cause us to resist interracial dating in an age where we are less likely to ever mary given that decision?

What do you think?


One thought on “COMMITMENT: Where Are You Stuck…Waiting?

  1. I had always been skeptical about media outlets from the news to Oprah that quote statistics without noting their source or the size of the sample. Oprah says in the video clip attached that 70% of black women are not married, but while surfing You Tube the other day I saw another report that cited a statistic that seemed more reputable.

    The 2000 US Census indicated that 41.6% of black men (4.8 million) and 39.7? of black women (5.4 million) have yet to marry.

    Inflated statistics are often the rule of the day like saying there are more black men in prison than in college as Farai Chideya unmasked in her book DON’T BELIEVE THE HYPE.

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